Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
