my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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