tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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