But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
