Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
