I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
