awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
