weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
