All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My penis needs a shock collar
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
