That's when you crack a 10am beer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
