did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
