Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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