She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
