6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
