don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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