I'm laying in your front yard are you home
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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