were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
