Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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