Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
