I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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