that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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