i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
