Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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