HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
