careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
