pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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