Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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