I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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