Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
