i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
