My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
