I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
