omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
