why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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