I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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