is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
