break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
