No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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