I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
