If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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