I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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