I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
