I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
