Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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