she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
