but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
