drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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