I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
