I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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