There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
