I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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