Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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