Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
