So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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