Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love you.
Bad choice
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
