i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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