Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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