you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We just shotgunned beers for America
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
