Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
