it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
even my farts smell like vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
